Profound thoughts

Profound thoughts

I always get these profound thoughts when I'm laying in bed trying to get my two children sound asleep or when I'm driving. Or anytime I can't write/type these thoughts down and get them out of my head where they swirl round and round needing release. Of course, by the time I get a quiet moment on the computer like now those profound thoughts are still lurking but not so noisily.

For example I was thinking the other day about how people will ask "Why me" of God. I don't. That's not entirely true. Sometimes I think but it immediately is followed by "why not me". Then I want to think what makes me so special to not experience this but then I change it to a positive POV. I am special. God knows I and my family are strong enough to get through this. Now I'm not saying I think we're strong enough. If I didn't have God I probably would have lost it a long time ago. But if God says I can do this and he is all knowing then I must be able to right? Who am I to question Him? Maybe He chose us because He knew Levi would need very special, strong parents to get him through this and that is us. Maybe other parents would divorce, be less of a parent to not only Levi but any other children. Jason and I have always had a very strong bond. And now that bond is being proven. Do I think we're better than everyone else? Heck no. Do I think that my thoughts are absolutely the truth? No but it's what keeps me going. I have to have something to hang onto. There was another family at the RMDH in B. There was this father, Leo and his 10 y/o dd. He is very angry w/ God. I so wish he could view this the way I view it. God isn't punishing us. He is rewarding us by allowing us to parent these very special children who requires very special parents. I am truly blessed to be Levi's mother.


posted by April Dawn @ 4:03 PM

1 Comments:
Kathy said...
I was drawn to your blog by your profile. We share an interest in our children and homebirth and cloth diapers. We also share the bond of parenting a special needs child. My son has autism and I am so thankful his need is not life threatening, except when he's falling out of windows. I can't imagine living with a child who was in constant need of medical attention. Then I remind myself I lived with that for 2 months after our triplets were born 11 weeks prematurely. People constantly ask how I do what I do, parenting 6 children (twins and triplets), one with autism and I say, "what else am I supposed to do?". I agree that God gives these children to those who He knows can parent them. I sometimes doubt his judgement of me but I know He never doubts me. All I need to do is remember that I asked God for all of my beauties and it is now up to me to live up to the gift I've been given.

If you decide to visit my blog (we are linked by our interests) don't think you've gone to the wrong place. What you will read there is not indicative of what I have shared here. It's more a place for me to cut loose and be the crazy youth I left behind. I just wanted to take moment to say "Hi" to another mom of a special child.

July 28, 2004 5:39 PM