Tonight I Cried

Tonight I cried. I cried for my beautiful daughter and our refound breastfeeding relationship. She was forced to wean. First it was only a couple of times a day during a few hour period when my mother would bring her up to the hospital to visit. Then we left for Boston and she was left behind. While there I decided not to allow her to return to bfing because of the difficulties. Well not allowing it was soo hard. Emotionally hard. She would cry and throw tantrums and I would just wither inside. Well tonight after several weeks of not allowing her to nurse for some reason I let her. It was so beautiful. She lie on my lap w/ beautiful long blonde curls tickling my leg. Her big blue eyes looking into mine. When she first latched on we didn't say anything. I had her up on my lap hugging her and telling her how much I loved being her mommy and how happy she made me. And then something just made me lift my shirt. She looked at me w/ wonder in her eyes. W/ expectation of being told "No these are for Levi now". And she so gently latched on and started nursing. I thought she might have forgotten how but she didn't. I thought she might let go and say yucky since she thinks booboo juice in a bottle/cup is yucky but she didn't. I just stared into her beautiful, innocent eyes and continued to brush her hair back from her face. She patted my face w/ her pudgy little hand. Now, if THAT is the last time she ever nurses I will remember it. I couldn't remember the last time she nursed. Is that why I allowed her to tonight after all these weeks?

edited 1/1/08-Livie nursed for another 18 months. She was 4 years and 1 month old when she weaned in December of 2005.


posted by April Dawn @ 10:22 PM

2 Comments:
Jenavive said...
Awwww! What a beautiful story! I'm glad that you were able to resume your breastfeeding relationship with your daughter.

July 28, 2004 10:20 PM
Jen said...
Wow, what a wonderful story. I've been following Levi's story for a while now, so you don't know me but I'm just one of the thousands of people who send their love and support to your family.

I loved this story, though. So sweet. Thank you for sharing it.

- Jen

July 30, 2004 2:40 PM